In my last post I mentioned the song, "Place in this World" by Michael W Smith. In reading- reading- and re-reading the words to this wonderful song (many tears while doing so), I've been able to see a lot of what my heart is feeling lately. Being torn from the only home I've ever known, losing my only family... I'm looking at my life and trying really hard to make sense of it all. I'm trying to figure out where I go from here- I'm trying to listen to God in it all. But, lately I've been wondering if God is hearing me... as the song says, "If there are millions down on their knees... among the many, can you still here me?" I don't feel like God is answering my prayers, so naturally I'm wondering if He's hearing them!! I need His guidance- and honestly I'm not feeling it in the least!! Yes, I have dreams- hopes... I've prayed and prayed for those things. No, not outrageous things like extravagant cars or homes... but simple things like the joy of being a wife and mom. That's ALL I've ever really wanted in life... is it too much to ask of God? At my age, the Mom "thing" is probably out of the question... yah, this makes me really sad... and yes, even a bit angry at God! The husband thing... well after 14 years with David (we were never married nor did we live together, for those who are wondering) I've got a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak, about men. And... can you blame me??? Ok, so I'm learning to adjust to the fact that I'll probably never marry or have kids... but I don't want to spend my life just moving from place to place with no vision or meaning... I just want to serve God- is THAT too much too much to ask of Him too??? Or... is He rejecting me too? I just need to find my place in this world...!!!!
The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?
Show me, I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
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