Have you ever wished you could take back your words?
Have you ever said something, then immediately (or even a while later) realized the hurtfulness and harshness of your words? Tonight I hurt a friend by doing just that!
He's someone whom I respect more than anyone else in this world, someone who really is my spiritual role-model. He's the last person in this world that I'd want to hurt.
He'd done something to encourage me and support me in my call to ministry. He was showing me that he believed in me, in my gifts, in my calling. But I took it negatively- my own insecurity took over. I reacted very, very inappropriately- very, very hurtfully. I could tell by his voice and eyes that I'd hurt him. I just wanted to crawl under the table I was sitting at. Instead of apologizing right then, I withdrew and avoided him for most of the remainder of the evening.
Why do we do these things? Why do we hurt the people we most care about? My dear Mom often told me that we, "always hurt the ones we love". Back then I thought she was silly, just being a Mom (and laying on the guilt heavily). But, now as an adult I see the power of those words. Our words do carry power-- we can hurt or we can heal. God forgive me for making the horrible choice to hurt tonight!
I don't know if my friend reads this blog or not. If he is, I want him to know how very sorry I am!!! Thank you for caring enough to encourage me to "step out of the boat"!!!! Keep pushing me-- please!!! Please also, forgive me for the times, like tonight, when my insecurity and thoughtlessness may hurt you (sadly, I'm sure this won't be the last time!). Thank you for helping me grow into the person I know God wants me to be!!! God Bless You!!!
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I think we hurt people we care about because we feel safest with them. There is mutual trust and an acceptance of who we really are. Offering and accepting forgiveness come out of this trust. Wholeness is restored.
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