I can see from my last post that it's been almost exactly a month since I've last written here. Alot has changed, and yet, not much has changed. We're a week away from Christmas, and I'm doing my best to focus totally on the birth of our wonderful Lord. My loss is still very much a part of me. I told a priest friend recently that I haven't even begun to deal with my loss, and I don't feel the least bit ready. He reassured me that healing will come in time. (Thanks Fr Jim!)
Ok... so what is still the same.... Let's start by the fact that God's love is everlasting and will never, ever change. His love is the only constant in my life right now, and I thank Him every day for His presence in my life. When I'm at the end of my rope, He whispers peace in my ear... sometimes through the words of others or a gentle hug from a friend-- sometimes by a soft breeze-- sometimes through His Holy Word. Whatever it is, it always comes at just the right moment. Thank you God for loving me and healing my brokenness.
Also the same, for now, is that I'm still living at my friends apartment. Things have been up and down with that for the entire last month. I am SO craving stability and security right now. Her finances also hit bottom, so about a week ago, we decided to get a different and cheaper apartment together in Greenwich (about a mile from CTK). That was going really well... we're actually still scheduled to move in on 12/28.... it's a beautiful apartment in a nice area and very affordable.... but.... yesterday morning my friend's mom died. Yah, so that put a fly in the ointment. I'm praying that the move still happens. It's an ideal situation, and God is making it SO clear that that is the direction He wants me to move in. I think my friend needs to try and see past her grief and attempt to make some good choices... right now that's not happening. I trust God, and am praying that He will guide her heart to the right decisions.
Ok... so what has changed.... alot... alot. Let's begin with the fact that, praise God, the depression that I've been fighting for years, has seemingly lifted!!! That's a huge healing, in so many ways. God continues to speak peace into my heart, moment by moment. He has also taught me, not so gently, but necessary, that life isn't about "things". Life, is about our relationship with God... He wants our ALL. God's word tells is that Jesus told his disciples to leave everything behind and follow Him. I know that's what He wants of me, and I know that by ridding me of "things" He is beginning the process of making that a reality. My only "things" right now consist of some clothes (not many) and a few boxes of memories. I'm ok with that. God did bless me however, with being able to save one of my "babies" and keep her with me. You can't imagine the blessing she's been. Her name is Liebe, which is a German word... it means LOVE. She is a furry reminder of God's love for me.
Hmmmm, ok so what else has changed.... The night of my last post, God led me to a Revival Praise and Worship that takes place every Friday night in my area. It goes to different churches (usually Anglican/Episcopal), on a rotating/by invitation basis. My friend and I have started going on a regular basis, depending on location. The group that goes, is usually pretty regular and we're all becoming very close. They are an amazing group of people!! These are people who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds and bodies. We pray, and prepare ourselves for the return of our wonderful Lord, which we all believe will be soon. The service is a time to lay down our burdens, leaving them at the foot of the cross, and give our hearts totally over to praising God!! Our leaders are some of the most Godly people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing! From Deacon Frank (who is without question, the most "un-deacon-like" person I've ever met (I say that with love)... LOL... but who has an incredible gift of discernment and who gives the best hugs EVER!), Mother Susan and her husband Ralph (who hear words from the Lord on a moment to moment basis that often send us to our knees), Fr Steve (who has a gift for leading us to letting go and letting God just take over our lives- giving it all to Him) to Fr Jim- our worship leader (he has a beautiful voice and can play the piano like no one I've ever met), and his wife Ginny (who are truly two of the most compassionate and loving people I've EVER met) I'm in awe of the gifts of these people who have given their lives over totally to serving God. I want what they have- their gifts of leadership, discernment, gentleness and compassion, speaking words from our God... I believe that God is leading me in that direction. Mother Susan has already told us that just by being at the revival meetings every week, that she considers us part of the leadership team.... WOW!! Yah, that's what I want. Ok, so what has changed.... God has led me to this incredible group of people! Thank you God!!!
Yikes, so this is getting long... very long... sorry! Has it been even remotely interesting? I think I'll wrap up for now and try to maybe write more tomorrow. It feels good to write again, gosh-I've missed this!! So, maybe writing is one of my gifts too...???
Love to all!!!
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