a new beginning... and saying goodbye

It's been quite a while since my last post. Since then a lot has happened to me. There has been a lot of joy, but there has been an equal amount (no, who am I kidding... there has been a ton more) of pain and tears.

As I write this, I'm at a friends apartment. She's been kind enough to let me stay here for a while- how long, I don't know, but I'm grateful for each and every moment. This week, after a long struggle with finances- I lost my home. It's the only home I've ever known. Walking away from it has been heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking though, was having to give up my pets. Just thinking about that moment this past Thursday makes me cry again... this is a different kind of grief. While I know that they're safe with my veterinarian, who is finding them new homes- I just miss them SO much!!! I know that this too will heal... right? Someone tell me that it will heal... right??

I struggle with God's hand in all of this. While I know that He did not cause it, I often wonder why He couldn't have stepped in and changed things around so the ending might have been different. Lord, help me understand Your ways!!

I had hoped this post might have been longer and more eloquent.... but as I write, I realize that I am at a loss for words. The fear, the grief, the confusion... I know there are other words-but just cant be put into words. I am trying with all my heart to believe that God has a plan for me and that He wont fail me- but honestly right now I'm not sure what to think. I think I need others to believe for me right now. My heart hurts- a lot!!

I have an incredible group of friends who are standing by me, as much as they can. At a revival service last night, a dear deacon from CTK hugged me and told me that I had an army of prayer warriors behind me. Yah, so maybe God is telling me He loves me through people like Deacon Lynn, and Sandra, and Lois, and Diane, and Pat, and Gail, and Susan, and Debbie, and Robin, and dear Fr Nigel, (who has spent the last 43 days in the hospital... nearly 40 of that on a ventilator in ICU... but praise God is doing much better.... I know though, that even though he's not aware of the situation that he knows I'm in need of prayer... he always teaches us that God knows the exact need and all we need to do is ask) and and and....

Ok, signing off for now. Don't know when I'll be back, but hope it's soon. I've missed writing and all my bloggy friends.

Love to all!!