Five years... I miss you Mom!!

Today is a sad day for me.... it's the five year anniversary of my dear Mom's death. While, I know she's happy in Heaven- reunited with her family and friends that have also passed on, my heart aches and I just long to hug her again- to hear her voice- to just be close.

In reality I think I lost Mom about eight years before she died. She was one of the many who suffered the fate of Alzheimer's disease. Most people know about the sadness of Alzheimer's, but without first hand knowledge there is now way to know the true horror of this horrible curse. Mom had always been one of the most cheerful, optimistic, gentle people on the face of the earth. Alzheimer's disease changed this completely. Over the course of the eight years, she became depressed- crying most of the time, she became angry (often violent)- at her disease, at everything and everyone around her. (I'll never forget the night that she became so confused that she insisted I was an intruder trying to hold her hostage- she went after me with a screw driver, trying with all her might to harm me.) She lost all short term memory, and much of her long term memory. For the last two years of her life, she had no clue who I was. The day I realized this, was truly the hardest day of my life- even harder than the day she died. I knew right then, that the person I knew as "Mom", was indeed a stranger. I like to think that her soul went to Heaven long before her body did. In the end of her life, there was no real soul left- this horrible disease had robbed her of that. It robbed her of any quality of life. It robbed ME of the most wonderful Mom in the world!!! Yes, there is a lot of anger in my heart at the horrible agony of this disease.

But, in the midst of all of my pain and anger- there is one thing I am certain of- THERE IS NO ALZHEIMER'S IN HEAVEN!!!!!! Yes, I really do miss my Mom- but I also rejoice in the fact that she is no longer in pain, no longer sad and crying.
Here is a YouTube video that I made in memory of Mom. Hope you enjoy getting to know my wonderful Mom!!