My Baby Bandit

Tomorrow night will be one week that my sweet girl has been gone. I still think I hear her, or see her sleeping on my bed-- I have to look twice, and then realize it's her baby (big baby now) Toes, who looks very much like her. My heart sinks at those moments-- she really is gone.

Bandit was a special girl. Everyone that knew her would say that. Eleven years ago, Bandit arrived at my back door, meowing for some food. Never one to resist a hungry kitty, I fed her and sat with her while she ate. When she'd finished, she took off- I figured to do what outside cats do. But instead, within a few minutes she was back- this time with a tiny kitten in her mouth. With no hesitation, she handed me over the mewing ball of fur- and was off again. Again, she was back with another kitten. This happened one more time-- a total of three precious kittens. The trust she had in me- to just hand me her babies was amazing. I wish I could learn that kind of trust. I didn't know where she and her babies had come from, but I knew from the young age of the kittens that they were likely strays. I took all four of them into my home, with the intention of finding them good homes. Well, that never happened- so Bandit (named because of the black mask over her eyes), Precious (named because she is- a beautiful calico), Meme (named because of his kitten meow- me me) and the infamous Toes (named because his favorite toy as a kitten was- yes, my toes) all became a part of my wonderful fur family. Bandit was a perfect Mama. She cared for her babies, teaching them right from wrong and grooming and feeding them as they needed. Even until her death last week, she was still a sweet and loving Mama.

Several years ago, when receiving an xray for her asthma, we discovered that she had been shot at some point in her stray life. The pellet was still wedged in her abdomen. I can't tell you how sick this made me!!! God forgive me for the hateful thoughts I've had against whoever it was that hurt this sweet kitty. I realized then, what a strong and brave baby I had.

Bandit was very friendly and very verbal. She'd greet visitors at the door, with a meow and a snuggle. She was never afraid of visiting the vet office-- when Dr Wolfe (her favorite doctor) would come in the exam room, he'd sit down on the exam table and she'd run over and curl up in his lap. At home, she was my little therapist. If I was having a bad day, all I had to do was call her name once and she'd come running to me with a sweet meow. She'd sit in my lap and let me cry or talk, responding with an occasional meow- just to let me know she was listening. I miss that SO much right now!!!

Three weeks ago, when she'd had her spinal embolism and could no longer walk, I'd pick her up to hold her in bed with me. She'd lay her head on my chest and purr and purr and purr!!! We'd just cuddle and talk for hours. Occasionally she'd look up into my eyes with the most amazing love!! Those were moments I will NEVER ever forget!!! Hers was the most amazing and deep form of love I've ever experienced.

How do I move on from this pain- this incredible loss? The only pain that has ever equaled this, is the loss of my dear Mom- almost exactly five years ago. A lot of people tell me that she was old and to get over it-- but I can't. I lost my baby.