An awsome God

I was really beginning to give up on any hope for a happy Christmas.

This week alone has been one to try my heart to it's very depth... I have been seriously questioning God's existence- primarily due to unanswered prayer and real hardships lately.

Things have been more than difficult financially lately, to the point where I wasn't sure if I could even afford the gas to get to church on Christmas eve. Then, this past Wednesday night my sweet Bandit went to Heaven. She'd been doing so well-- this was totally unexpected. It's not since the death of my sweet Mom has my heart hurt so much- who knew that grief could be so physically painful!!!

I've been crying out to God with all my heart. I am indeed broken! But-- my faith has been tried-- I still believe in God... in His goodness and His love. I realized today that He meets us at our broken-ness. He meets us at our point of need- and not before- not until we are truly on our knees.

Today, I received a taste of God's goodness.... I'm currently at work (my manager keeps adding sporadic days for me, and although I find frustration in the lack of Christianity in the office, I thank God for the extra paycheck). A little while ago, the building landlord came in to collect his rent. Joe is a good Christian man-- we often have wonderful discussions about God's grace and love. Today's discussion, was one of frustration on my part, continually saying, "keep reminding me, Joe". I shared with him about my job issues and frustrations with my position here, to which he kept telling me that I'm here for a reason and to use the opportunity to witness to others about God's grace, mercy and healing love. There must have been something in my eyes or words-- or perhaps God speaking to Joe- because a little while later, his secretary popped in the office with an envelope. Inside, was a handwritten note reminding me that "all things are possible with God"--as well as $500.00 in cash! Yes, I burst into tears!!! She and I prayed together, asking God to renew my heart and spirit. Surrounded by travel brochures, computers and ticket printers, I finally realized that God had met me at my broken-ness. It's not to say that this money will solve all my problems by a long shot-- but I'll have gas to get to church, I'll have food on the table on Christmas and many days after that. I've never asked God for abundance-- I've just asked Him to meet my basic needs, and after a taste of broken-ness and a dose of humbleness-- He has! Thank you God!!!

Merry Christmas and God Bless us Everyone!!!!